Lisa’s Thoughts

Then . . .
I remember starting to giggle when I heard the news in an effort to not cry.
I remember going to see Fireman Sam at the theatre that afternoon.

I remember my dad saying nothing, but working his way through the garden with every power tool he had.
I remember wearing sun glasses so that no-one could see my eyes.

I remember thinking that I might actually die when I had quite dramatic side effects to hypocalcaemia.
I remember feeling fragile and aware that getting better was out of my hands.
I remember feeling puffed up when I went for RAI . . . and also that I was loosing my mind ( forgetful and fuzzy headed).

I remember feeling so unbelievably tired but unable to sleep.
I remember telling my children about good lumps and bad lumps.
I remember my husband listening to me for hours and hours about how I felt and never complaining.
I remember feeling torn with my emotions because I had the good cancer.

I remember a charity called Butterfly being there for me during my “dark days”.

. . . and now
I know that Razorlight songs will always remind me of that time.
I know that I can finish a marathon!.
I know who will be there for me.
I know that I will get emotional at the slightest thing on TV.
I know how lucky I am when I see my scars.

I know my husband will still listen to me when I want to talk about “it” again.
I know that my children also came through the other side when they are both chosen for Head Teacher commendations at school, that is priceless!.
I know that this cancer journey will not end but will just keep going.
Because now I know . . .

Lisa