28th March 1992
Dear Diary – I walked into a consulting room full of white coats at Ashington hospital today to get the results of a biopsy on my Thyroid Gland. Their faces told me it wasn’t good news. In fact it was worse than my wildest dreams – I have cancer.
Oh my god – I’m only 26 and I might die.
The consultant was very kind but I can hardly remember a word he said – all I can think about is the word CANCER. I feel numb.
Drove to Newcastle today to buy a medical book – I think the consultant said the cancer was curable but I need to see it in writing to truly believe it. The consultant saw me again to answer my million questions. Feel a bit happier now.
Booked a flight to Las Vegas today- can’t wait until June to get married. Need to be Mrs Grant before they operate again.
Scar from first op healing well – won’t look too bad on wedding photos.
April Fools Day – On a flight to Las Vegas- Calum asks if this is all just a clever ploy to get him down the aisle. Sadly not – I wish it was.
3rd April 1992
Wow amazing day – I’m married. Cried a lot – wish I had brought my mum and dad.
Back in hospital – I was petrified the first time – this time I could happily let them chop my head off as long as they get rid of this growth.
Feel like I have waited forever for the results of my radioactive iodine scan. There is only 3% left – I don’t need to have an ablation. I’m so pleased to hear that. The consultant did mention that it can cause other cancers in later life. Thyroxin seems to be working fine – can’t wait to get back to a normal life.
Won’t ever put anything off again. Still scared the cancer might return but just need to get on with my life. Was told not to start a family for a few years. I wasn’t worried before but I really want kids now.
That was my diary from 16 years ago and I still live with the fear of cancer every day of my life but in some ways I’m glad it happened.